F$%K you Wii imaginary personal trainer.

So, the other day after my blog post I was feeling REALLY empowered! I got up and turned on the Wii and was all "I can conquer the world!" until I weighed myself and was UP TWO WHOLE GODDAMNED POUNDS! Now, if I had been sneaking fast food, and not tracking my calories and not exercising I would be like "well gee Kristen, think it's time to REALLY get on the ball?" But I had been doing all those things, and drinking 60oz of water like Jillian Michael's tells me to, so I was extremely discouraged and started looking up wedding dresses in my size, cause I felt like giving up.

But I quickly realized it's about more than a wedding dress. It's about my future children, my health and my personal self confidence. I refused to give up, and resolved to just do better and stick with it. And stop weighing in. And there are a lot of plus sized women out there that are happy in their skin, that feel beautiful the way they are and I don't discredit that AT ALL. But that's not me.

So I've changed a few things, for one a protein packed breakfast with very little carbs. Usually 3 eggs scrambled with a slice of cheese and chopped ham, turkey or other meat we have to toss in and a Stonyfield Farms yogurt. And the rest of my meals during the day are packed with veggies and fiber, and protein. I'm still staying within my 1550 calories but am really trying not to eat less than that because I don't want to starve my body.

And more exercise. And I swear if one more person tells me "muscle weighs more than fat" I'm going to virtually slug them, in my head. So every other day I'm doing the Biggest Loser game for the Wii and building up my stamina. I picked Jillian Michaels for my trainer (mostly because Bob calls me "lover" and that's weird,)  and I want to shank the bitch. As I'm on my rug, hands on the Wii board, in a push up position shaking like a leaf because my arms are all "no fucking way" and she's all "That looks like giving up" I'm screaming at the TV DO YOU REALIZE I'VE NEVER DONE A GODDAMNED REAL PUSH-UP IN MY LIFE YOU SKINNY LITTLE BITCH. Seriously, I'm glad the neighbors (and Mike) don't see this. But I did better today than yesterday!

So yeah, in a past life I would have given up. But in this life, the here and now I am going to beat this. I am going to fit into my wedding dress. People who haven't seen me in months will whisper at my wedding about how good I look, they will be jealous, and I will be radiant. And I will inspire someone who hasn't been able to grasp the courage to shed the pounds, just like my friends husband inspires me. (Yeah, that's a nod to you Marc!)

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I Can't Function Without my PINS!

So, not weight loss related. But wedding related. My Fiance Mike and I are getting married July 21st 2012 and while we've got almost EVERYTHING done, the florist is eluding me. I've got my heart set on Cobblestone Design Company out of Concord. Originally they wouldn't deliver my flowers unless I got 3000$ worth of flowers for the wedding. THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of flowers... Like, they would make my damned dress out of flowers at that price (maybe not really, but Jesus!)

So I've been looking around at other florists, and I can't for the life of me find one I trust to carry out my floral vision, other than Cobblestone. (Wondering what my Floral Vision is? Check out my Pinterest) Their work is second to none, they just have that something extra you don't get elsewhere and you can't describe. They did the flowers for my sister's wedding on a shoestring budget because she'd lost her 500$ deposit to a florist that closed. But honestly, they looked like she'd spend thousands on them.

The KILLER news?! COBBLESTONE WILL DELIVER! I called them this morning and BEGGED them, and while I will be paying a delivery fee (which I'm totally ok with) I'll have the flowers I want! The flowers I've dreamed of since I was like five. 

BTW, that's me at a size 16, right after I stopped working on the farm. That's my goal again, if not thinner. That's the size I bought my wedding dress at, and where I need to get to by July. I have all the confidence in the world I can do it. And this is where I am now, this picture was taken in October. 

I've talked about it before on here, but I hate having my picture taken now. I actually refuse, which if you've known me for any length of time you'll know I used to LOVE having my picture taken. The weight I've gained has taken quite a toll on my life, and I'm done. I really want to change how we eat and relate to food in our house not just for myself, but for our future children. High School was HELL because I was heavy and I want better for my children. 

So to my friends and family who read this Blog (which is way more than I realized because I guess, I'm funny sometimes) I challenge you to do something active next time we get together. Let's go sledding, or for a walk around town with a hot tea. Swimming, hiking, let's play baseball at the park or play some mini golf. It starts by not making social activities based around food, because if you invite Mike and I to dinner in the next few months, I'll probably decline (unless it's at your house, and we're cooking something healthy) because I'm serious about changing the way we do things. 

Alright, now I'm out to do some yoga and Wii fit, bitchez. 

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