Thursday, February 9, 2012

... I'm dreading dinner.

I'm doing a juice fast. Just gunna put that out there in the universe in case tomorrow you have to deal with me and I eat your head. I'm honestly very sorry and didn't mean to, it's just I'm hungry yaknow? Anyways today was my first day, Mike proudly brought home the juicer and an array of veggies for me last night and showed me how to use it. I juiced carrots and oranges and it was a good tasting cup of... pulp?

And this morning was encouraging as well, I got up, juiced a bunch of stuff and drank it up! It was a little harder to get down (who knew Cucumbers could taste so strong!) but I felt full. I'm going to start straining the pulp out I believe. BTW.. this is the longest I've gone without a complex carbohydrate. EVER. My go-to dinner was always elbow macaroni with shaky cheese and butter. It's no wonder how I got to 260lbs!

So after I got up, I had my juice and black tea and I had planned to hang out with Tori and I did well watching her eat Wendy's. Okay that's a lie. The entire time I wanted to grab it from her and eat it (like, grab it and shove the whole thing in my mouth paper and all before she even knew what was happening, then act like nothing happened and that maybe they forgot to put the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger in her bag.) I was seriously rabid by 3pm. All I could think about was I was an idiot for setting myself up for failure by not making and taking juice with me while we hung out. By the time she was bringing me home I was day dreaming about food. I had to grocery shop, so I could sneak to Dunkins and get a breakfast sandwich, or buy something to munch on at the store.

And then it hit me, it didn't matter that I snuck food because the only person I was cheating was myself. I want to be smaller for my wedding. I want to be health and happy. And no amount on cheating myself will help that. Sure I've got a pounding headache, and literally ALL I can think about is food, I'm trying to stay strong. I've got to be able to give it a go. So, here goes nothing. I should have bought some stool hardeners.


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