So, the other day after my blog post I was feeling REALLY empowered! I got up and turned on the Wii and was all "I can conquer the world!" until I weighed myself and was UP TWO WHOLE GODDAMNED POUNDS! Now, if I had been sneaking fast food, and not tracking my calories and not exercising I would be like "well gee Kristen, think it's time to REALLY get on the ball?" But I had been doing all those things, and drinking 60oz of water like Jillian Michael's tells me to, so I was extremely discouraged and started looking up wedding dresses in my size, cause I felt like giving up.
But I quickly realized it's about more than a wedding dress. It's about my future children, my health and my personal self confidence. I refused to give up, and resolved to just do better and stick with it. And stop weighing in. And there are a lot of plus sized women out there that are happy in their skin, that feel beautiful the way they are and I don't discredit that AT ALL. But that's not me.
So I've changed a few things, for one a protein packed breakfast with very little carbs. Usually 3 eggs scrambled with a slice of cheese and chopped ham, turkey or other meat we have to toss in and a Stonyfield Farms yogurt. And the rest of my meals during the day are packed with veggies and fiber, and protein. I'm still staying within my 1550 calories but am really trying not to eat less than that because I don't want to starve my body.
And more exercise. And I swear if one more person tells me "muscle weighs more than fat" I'm going to virtually slug them, in my head. So every other day I'm doing the Biggest Loser game for the Wii and building up my stamina. I picked Jillian Michaels for my trainer (mostly because Bob calls me "lover" and that's weird,) and I want to shank the bitch. As I'm on my rug, hands on the Wii board, in a push up position shaking like a leaf because my arms are all "no fucking way" and she's all "That looks like giving up" I'm screaming at the TV DO YOU REALIZE I'VE NEVER DONE A GODDAMNED REAL PUSH-UP IN MY LIFE YOU SKINNY LITTLE BITCH. Seriously, I'm glad the neighbors (and Mike) don't see this. But I did better today than yesterday!
So yeah, in a past life I would have given up. But in this life, the here and now I am going to beat this. I am going to fit into my wedding dress. People who haven't seen me in months will whisper at my wedding about how good I look, they will be jealous, and I will be radiant. And I will inspire someone who hasn't been able to grasp the courage to shed the pounds, just like my friends husband inspires me. (Yeah, that's a nod to you Marc!)